December 3, 2022

A man has found support online after he revealed he was unknowingly funding his ex-wife’s lifestyle, and the Internet is bashing the woman and her daughter over the situation.

The now-viral post, titled, “AITA for stopping the funds,” has garnered 8,800 upvotes and 800 comments since it was shared on June 1. Redditor @throwdilemm shared the post to the subreddit “Am I the A**hole,” and eight years ago he found his wife cheating.

The original poster’s (OP) wife left him after that, and although he had shared custody of their children, who are now 21 and 19, they wanted to stay with their mom. Their father was alright with that as long as he could see them.

“I worked more and got a better income and covered all their extra expenses even after the youngest turned 18,” the man explained. “I even paid towards the college funds by myself despite it being court ordered that both would pay equally towards it. In addition to paying tuition, I paid any other expenses (car, expensive clothing, electronics, holidays, etc.) even though after a while my daughter went almost no contact.”

His daughter sends him texts with the amount and where to send it, and the OP obliges. But two weeks ago, his 19-year-old son came to his father’s door after he hadn’t heard from him for two months.

The OP’s son told him that his sister dropped out of college after a couple of months and that the OP has been “funding” his ex and her new children’s “lifestyle all these years as her affair partner left her after their third child.”

The OP continued: “My daughter has been using me as has my son to help their mother and their own lifestyle. Upon finding this out, I stopped the money train. Turns out neither my ex nor my daughter work, and they have used my cash to fund their lifestyle. Now they can get evicted if I don’t continue to pay. I am not cutting out my son as he came clean.”

According to Statista, in 2021 there were 214.21 million unemployed people in the world. That number has decreased from 2020 when the number of people unemployed was 223.67 million.

In a comment to another user, the OP added that he offered his daughter to stay with him. “She says only on the condition that her mother and half-siblings are allowed too,” the OP wrote. “She says they won’t stay here as long as my wife and my two younger children are here.”

But that wasn’t all she wanted. “She wants me to put them in a rental/or send them to my in-laws until I can help sort out her and her mother’s living and financial situation back to the way it was,” he continued. “I can’t do that. It’s not fair to my wife and toddlers.” He also added she wants the OP to find them a smaller rental—a five-bedroom.

A woman is being slammed for using her ex to fund her lifestyle. Here, a woman smiling while wearing a brown jacket.
THOMAS NORTHCUT/GETTY

Although the OP suggested family therapy, his daughter says she will forgive him when he starts paying for things again. “She says I owe it to her mother as we were married before to look after her other three children until they come of age,” the OP said. “I don’t think that is my responsibility at all. Especially as I have done it for so many years when they were not my children.”

As for the OP’s son, he’s now living with his father, and he was told he can live there for free, and that he will also get an allowance. However, this fall he needs to have a part-time job or go back to school.

It turns out his son had an argument with his ex as she wanted him to “ask for an increase in monthly payments,” and the OP’s son “felt bad about it and felt it was about time to tell” him.

The OP’s daughter has been sending him more than 40 messages a day as well as calls “begging” for money since they can’t make next month’s rent for a six-bedroom house.

“She came down to my place but refuses to be under the same roof as my wife,” he added. “So she wanted me to go with her to discuss the matter further at a restaurant. I told her to either speak to me in my home or not talk to me at all.”

In addition, the OP revealed his ex’s boyfriend left almost four years ago. He wasn’t aware that he was “barely” working,” and he reasoned, “Seems like I was funding everyone’s lifestyle.”

People are overwhelmingly siding with the OP and slamming his ex for using his money to fund her lifestyle as well as her daughter. One Redditor who doesn’t think the man is in the wrong, pointed out his daughter is an adult, and she “chose to lie and steal” from him.

“You are not responsible for your ex or her kids,” they said. “There are these things called jobs that most people get to earn money and support themselves. Starbucks and Trader Joe’s pay well.”

A Redditor called the daughter and her mother “major a**holes,” and they didn’t stop there with their thoughts on the matter.

“Your ex was a cheating slag, and your daughter excuses it and thinks you owe her and her nasty mother,” they wrote. “They are both gold-diggers and played you for a chump. I am glad you found out about their deception and the fact you were supporting her affair partner just adds insult to injury.”

Another user didn’t mince words, and they voted NTA, or not the a**hole as their verdict. “And the f**king audacity of these women is unfathomable,” they added. “They want you to move your wife and kids out so they can move in? Are they high? I think it’s high time they hit the job application circuit and learn to support themselves.”

A Redditor thinks the OP’s daughter and his ex are “so freaking selfish,” and they even added that if he wanted to they are “sure” he could sue them.

“If they try and fight you about it, I’d let them know they’re lucky you aren’t suing them,” they said. “I’m so p**sed at your daughter for thinking that her choices is a good way of living her life.”

Another user thinks the OP should keep helping his son as he came to him and confessed. “Your ex did you dirty and has been reaping the benefits beyond need,” they wrote. The user also added, “They’re adults, they need to figure it out on their own. You supported your kids through their lives and did your part.”

Advice came rolling in over what the OP should do in the situation. “Nope NTA,” a user said. “Your daughter is an adult. So is your wife. They have been lying and essentially stealing from you. Cut them off and let them get jobs to pay their own way.”

A user thinks the OP should keep on supporting his son, but they advised he “take the measurements to make sure the money goes to what” it’s meant for. “What your ex-wife and daughter did is horrible,” they added. “They made their bed, now they have to sleep in it.”

Newsweek reached out to Redditor @throwdilemm for the comment.

This isn’t the only viral moment involving families. The Internet was torn over a stepmom picking up her drunk stepson from a party. A wife was supported for tricking her in-laws into eating her food. In addition, the Internet defended a mother who put a lock on her 10-year-old’s bedroom door.

https://www.newsweek.com/woman-slammed-using-exs-money-fund-lifestyle-1712398