One woman has taken to Mumsnet to reveal she is “on the verge of divorcing” her husband because he won’t help her with childcare—and the internet is outraged on her behalf.
Posting to the discussion-based site on October 28, the woman who goes by the account name Maiasaur, described how she was about to start a new job following a two-year bout of ill-health “then Covid happened.”
Because her husband had recently been promoted, he convinced her to stay home to look after their 2-year-old as the nurseries were closed.
She explained: “His logic was that we needed to keep his stable well paid job in preference to me starting a new, lower paid job with no security.
“So I had to give up my job offer and ended up bearing the burden of childcare through repeated lockdowns.”
The mother-of-one then went on to write that when the nurseries finally reopened, they were understaffed and her job offer “was long gone.” Meanwhile, her husband had “got promoted again.”
When the woman finally got a job and arranged a childminder they caught coronavirus, and she had to look after her child who was in isolation for 10 days, admitting “my new employer was not pleased.”
During this time her husband “wouldn’t take a single day off work. This is when he started to say ‘we can’t put the job of the highest earner at risk, when you earn the same as me I’ll take equal responsibility for DC.'”
The mom explained: “Of course I’m never going to catch up with him now because I’m four years behind career-wise. So that basically means all childcare has been dumped on me. And if all the childcare is on me I’m never going to be able to catch up am I?”
She admitted she is “resentful” towards her husband and when she asked for his advice and to see if they could figure out a compromise, “he was really nasty and said no, it’s not his responsibility to sort out a job for me, he can’t tell me what to do.”
She ended the post by writing: “Honestly I’m on the verge of divorcing him to force him to take 50 percent custody. I agreed to have a baby because we earned the same and would both work and share childcare. I didn’t sign up to be stuck with the whole lot and unable to work full-time just because he earns more.”
The disgruntled mom’s story has attracted over 1,000 messages of advice and support on the forum, with most people outraged with the husband’s treatment of her.
One person, ElleGettingBetter, wrote: “I would do exactly that. Divorce him, take half his pension, child maintenance and let him have shared custody. Selfish pr**k.”
Another social media user, FFSFFSFFS, agreed, typing: “Honestly it sounds like leaving him would. Be better for you—and won’t be any worse.”
NeverDropYourMoonCup added: “Divorce him and have control over your life. But don’t ever assume that he will take the DC 50 percent. After all, he’s too busy and important for that. So avoid agreeing to it as there’s a good chance he’ll get it to avoid paying maintenance, then not actually turn up.”
KaptainKaveman stated: “He sounds like a totally selfish a**hole OP [original poster]. How dare he treat you so poorly? I’m sorry you have had such a tough time. As well as demeaning you and your career he is absolving himself of any domestic and parenting role at all, as if they are beneath him. He is a serious a**.”
MyOtherProfile commented: “This is so sad. He’s lost his way and is totally disregarding you. You need to have the talk really, that his behavior is so bad you are not going to put up with it. He needs to understand that you are giving him an ultimatum.”